Last Friday (the 18th) was really interesting. And frightening.
It all started on Friday morning. I woke up early with the intent of arriving at Parkland College earlier than usual so I could study lightly for two tests just to brush up on some knowledge. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do that so I instead decided to arrive at the usual time...and allow fate to dictate my grades. Since I had approximately 25 minutes until I had to leave the house, I decided to clear my head and try to relax since I was freaking out about the two tests on the same day. So I walk around the back yard. Since the back yard is connected to Trent’s yard, I walked over on his property just to add some length to my walk. I then noticed that his pool fence was ajar. Even then, I wouldn’t have even noticed if it wasn’t for the fact that morning was breezy which knocked the fence closed, alerting me to its unsecured state. So I lock the fence and go to school. No big deal.
Friday afternoon I come back and I feel sufficiently confident that I performed satisfactorily on the two tests. However, I was still keyed up, so I go to walk around the back yards again. There I notice that part of the fence that surrounds both properties has a loose board. That was when I thought that the broken fence and the opened fence gate were probably connected somehow. I just couldn’t figure out how.
Then it dawned on me: Someone might have jumped the fence and simply exited Trent’s property through his pool gate. When I realized this I was truly freaking out. I had my digital camera with me to take pictures of the “crime scene,” all the while I was like, “Doesn’t anyone care that there is gang activity in a good neighborhood?!” I mean, I was yelling out loud in the back yard like a crazy person because I was so damn scared.
Then, I began to connect even more dots in my mind. The more dots I connected, the more I was truly having a fit outside like a typical schizophrenic. Since Saturday was a “super moon” event, the previous few nights were lit up for anyone to adequately see where he was going by the moon!
This is what I think happened: There was a confrontation nearby. We only live a few blocks from college student housing, so a serious fight could have occurred. Perhaps it really was gang activity in my neighborhood. I think some young urban kid, probably around 16, might have been running for his life from one, or a few, attackers, who I think might have been 17 or 18. I think that the kid who was running for his life diverted down the alley next to Phillip’s house and climbed his fence. That would have been easy for anyone since the cross-beams of Phillip’s face outside to the public. The running kid then launched himself from the top of Phillip’s fence over Trent’s fence. Again, that would have been easy regardless of the fact Trent’s fence is eight feet tall. The fleeing person didn’t have to scale an eight foot fence; he only had to shuffle on top of a shorter fence and jump over another fence that was only a bit taller: He only had three feet to go from the top of Phillip’s fence.
Again, I don’t know what happened at all because, frankly, anything could have happened that dislodged the plank of wood from the fence. Kevin told me that boards loosen themselves all the time, so that could have been normal wear. I would have believed him...but then again the pool gate was unsecured and I don’t think any of Trent’s friends have been on his property lately. If there was a fleeing kid, I also think he managed to escape his attackers simply be cutting through Trent’s back yard.
URGH! I’m still nervous about this situation. How did the gate get opened? Why did the plank fall off away from the fence? Did someone really tresspass on our property?
I guess I’ll have to be vigilant on the back yard for the rest of this summer to try to see if there are other discrepancies. Or maybe I should get a motion-activated camera.The loosened (but how?) plank.
The path the fleeing person might have taken along the far side of the pool and house.
Trent's gate that was ajar Friday morning.
⊗
At the beginning of this week, I've just been hitting a really lucky break. I mean...real luck, like astounding, out-of-the-blue things that are making me think the universe is really shifting its gears and giving me a break.
First off, like I mentioned before, I managed to score an 80% on my second business calculus test. I felt pretty good at that triumph, but at the same time it almost felt like a present. Somehow. I accepted the grade with gratitude. When I realized that had a "lucky break" I didn't think anymore would occur.
And then, literally out of the blue, I read a mysterious email in my inbox. The email was from LiveJournal. That email stated that a fellow LiveJournal user actually gifted me a paid account for a year! I don't know what inspired allah_sulu to just give a random guy on a dying blogging site a $25 gift, but I thought that gift was truly an epic example of random kindness. On top of the new account level, another LJ user gifted me a random virtual gift to me, too (bad_acid). It was a wind-fall of LJ-goodness. So now I have all these features that I should really begin to utilize, but I've been busy with the monumental yard work I still have to start.
And speaking of the yard: While I was driving all over Urbana to various green-houses, I experienced more luck, too. I was at the green house on University Ave (I forgot the name) shopping for prairie grasses and flowers for the dead corner of the back yard. While I was at the check-out aisle, I looked over my shoulder and saw a really nice wind chime that was made in Texas. I looked at the price and I could see that it was $60. I was like, "What the Hell," so I bought the wind chime. The manager who was checking me out told me that since that wind chime was there for a long time she was going to give me a discount. I was pretty excited about that, but I didn't expect a 25% discount on an expensive item! The wind chime was originally $60, but the new price was $45. I saved $15...and I think that is luck, too! I mean, again, how many random -- but awesome -- events can happen back-to-back in such a short amount of time?
On Monday: A good test grade; A gifted paid account on LiveJournal.
On Tuesday: An unexpected discount at the green house; The LJ virtual gift.
So...does luck run out? I'm about to start a huge yard project that will either be great, or atrocious. I would really like the hard work I'm going to do to be actually worth it. I want, first off, the dead corner of the back yard to look nice...instead of burned by the sun. I also want to do something nice for Kevin since he has supported me, and still supports me still; I guess I'm trying to make my half of the relationship amicable. I want to say that I did "something" for him without him nagging me to start something, or finish something, or to try something new. The yard project will take several days. I know this. The yard isn't the only thing I have to do. I also told Kevin that I would surprise him with a chocolate cake. Hell, I've never made one of those before. I'm worried that I'll ruin the cake and I would have wasted the time and energy into a botched recipe.
Anyway...that is the future, and the future is unknowable until I observe it. The yard...I'm hoping...will be OK. The cake -- which I promised Kevin, which means I have to bake it -- should be OK. The house will be OK when I clean it, too. The house chores are the least of my problems.
I have quite a bit on my plate for the foreseeable future.
⊗
For the past week I've been thinking about a recurring nightmare I used to have very, very early in my life. I find it strange it is the very first dream I remember having.
The dream starts with me, at my current age of 4. That was when I dreamt this dream. There are other people in the kitchen where I am at. They are across the room looking out into the living room...they are all gathered around the doorway to the other room entranced and scared. In the living room, there was an anomaly.
Somehow, a perfectly black wall appeared when no one was looking in the upper corner of the ceiling looking down toward the floor at a shallow angle. The black hole wall displaced the matter it appeared into. It was just there as if it had always been there...except at the weird angle it was canted toward the floor.
Very, Very cautiously, we all approach the black hole wall. The older boys are closer to the black hole wall than I am. I am too afraid to go near it. Such fear I've felt.
The older boys are chatting secretly with each other. They are excited but trying to muffle their voices low. Away from the gathering, there is one lone older boy who is not in the conversation. The gathered boys are talking about him...incredulously. The gathered boys talk to the lone boy and the lone boy looks sad and scared. The other boys point not at him, but past him toward the black hole wall.
He approaches the black hole wall...it is inches from his face. The other boys are chanting, "Touch it...touch it...touch it...touch it now." The loner boy does not want to touch the black hole wall. He does not know what will happen. The other boys don't know what will happen. I don't know what will happen. We all know that we don't know what will happen when Loner Boy touches the black hole wall.
He touched the black hole wall. And something so curious, and so quick, and so weird, words can barely, adequately explain the event that happened after.
The very instant Loner Boy touched the black hole wall...he instantly disappeared. A weird auditory "sonic clap" would happen during the instantaneous vanishing. This sonic pop was so short in duration and so opposite of what an "explosion" should sound like, the only thing I can say about that sound is that it sounded like it exploded backwards.
Where did the boy go? No one knew. But now we knew. We now know there is a sudden, and quick event that it can barely be perceived and understood by normal human senses.
The boy was completely gone. Although...the transference wasn't perfect. There were signs that Loner Boy was once in existence. On the wall where he placed his fingers there were some locks of hair from the back of his head. Apparently, the only thing we could guess at was that Loner Boy was somehow pulled very VERY VERY quickly through the black hole wall, and his hair got stuck in the surface. We don't know why his hair got stuck there.
The boys wanted to know more, but how could they? It was my turn to touch the black hole wall. It was my turn and I knew, down the very bottom of my stomach that I should not touch the black hole wall. There was something on the other side I did not want to know.
The other older boys are chanting me one: "Touch it. Touch it. Touch it." I couldn't stop myself. I held my index finger on my right hand in front of my face. I look at my hand as I extend it to touch the wall. And then suddenly that weird inwards explosion vacuum-y noise is all around me. I am in the sound. It is suddenly gone and I am nowhere. I am in the most perfect black void that could ever be imagined. There is no matter. No light. There is no space. There is absolutely nothing that it could touch your face. I was looking out into infinity for a brief moment, and infinity is empty. It is devoid of dimension. Nothing is everywhere and you are so utterly alone in this void. The loneliness is so paralyzing. There is nothing to tie my consciousness to; there is no time. I now know nothingness. I am now part of it. Devoid of any sensory input because there is nothing. Such utter blackness.
And then...suddenly...I'm outside on a city street in a middle-class neighborhood. The other boys who touched the wall were alive, and with the remaining group. I join them. They are all laughing. They were like, "What was it like inside? Did it hurt? Do you think you're OK?" We felt OK. We tried to convey to them the emptiness that was everywhere and everything and inside. They didn't get it.
I find this dream weird because, for a nightmare, it has an ending. Traditional nightmares don't end. They just suddenly stop at the zenith of utter fear. They don't continue beyond that point. This nightmare I had had an ending. Not only that...the ending to this nightmare was...happy; celebratory. They survived something they couldn't understand, but they survived it. At the very end of the dream: They were hugging each other and patting each other on the back, and I think I might have been standing in the middle since I was the littlest. I think they were surrounding me, and we were all celebrating [something] somehow for our survival.
I really don't understand this dream. Is the black hole wall suicide? I've had a sneaky suspicion that the black hole wall dream is basically about suicide. But how, or why, would I subconsciously articulate suicide at such a young age. It baffles me and worries me. How does a 4-year-old know about suicide?
⊗
