Since the middle of last week, to the end of last week, I studied hard for two tests that were had on this passing Friday; One test was in Business Calculus, and the other was in Business Accounting.
Friday rolls around, and I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. I really did study, and I felt I had a sufficiently good grasp of the concepts at hand. Calculus started, and I started with the test right away. Somewhere after I started, I began to doubt myself. That was when I suffered from severe test anxiety. So I panicked. Really. I answered the questions completely when I thought I had time, but since I was panicking, I basically flew through the rest of the test to try to answer the test questions as quickly as I could. After that class ended, I was feeling so low. I scored myself a 62, which is a "D" on my first test, and I was really hoping I would "make my money back" on the second test. Since I felt that I bombed the second test...I began to think of the future and how much it would have to change if I had to withdraw from this class again because of bad grades.
After the calculus test, I ran up to B-wing to take my Business Accounting test. That test was remarkably easier since it deals with easy algebra, and some memorization of equations. I didn't finish my accounting test until near the end of class, so I just thought I would wait until after class to wait to see what I got after my instructor graded the tests. Since a large portion of the other students in my class turned in their tests before I did, I could see my accounting instructor correcting those tests. Since Business Accounting is basically just an introductory course, what we actually had to know for this test wasn't terribly complicated...at all. However, I'm watching my accounting instructor correct those tests, and I could see her hand flying all over the tests with a red pen. I could also see her becoming visibly frustrated. After I turned in my test to her, I asked her if she could correct it before I left school on Friday. Frustrated, she told me that she corrects the tests in the order she receives them. I didn't fully expect her to correct my test before I left school, but she did. I got a 102 on it.
I was very happy I got that grade on my second accounting test because my first test score was so mediocre. Since this is just an introductory class for accounting the first test was a cake-walk. I only scored a high "C" on it. So I was happy with my test score for the second accounting test. Although...the grade I thought I was going to receive kept my joy bitter-sweet. Yes: I had one success, but I also had one monumental failure.
Or so I thought.
After my accounting test I ran over to my academic adviser and basically freaked the fuck out in front of her because I thought I bombed my second calculus test, and therefore thought that I would have to change my entire academic trajectory again. I asked her to ask my calculus instructor to see if I could re-take the second calculus test, and much to my surprise my academic adviser said that she doesn't have that much sway when asking instructors for certain breaks. She told me that I should instead contact her regarding my situation and see if there was some sort of remedy to my situation, like a possible re-take of that test. So I emailed my Business Calculus instructor yesterday (Sunday) and asked her if that was so.
Cut to today I happened upon my calculus instructor as she was walking into my class, and I asked her if she received my email. She said yes, but she also said that a re-take was not necessary because I scored an 80% on my second test.
Well now. Saddle my ass and ride me to Texas. Apparently I didn't bomb anything. Apparently I actually accomplished my goal of "any score above a 75 at the minimum." My original goal was something above an 85% but I also knew not to press my luck.
Yes. I freaked out on Friday. By proxy I also ruined my weekend a little bit. I simply couldn't relax and feel like I accomplished something good, like I did with my accounting test. The score I thought I received dictated my happiness level. But I did OK...so therefore I should feel happy now. And I do. I also feel...content (?).
I'm guessing this is one of these situations in which I will have to continue what I've been doing -- studying and doing homework often -- but also relaxing and giving myself a chance to have a success. I also need to stop panicking. If I didn't panic I would have scored a higher grade on my second calculus test. However, since calculus really is challenging, I do accept my 80 in good faith and gratitude.
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About Me -- Confusion abounds
- monolith941
- Urbana, Illinois, United States
- Thirty-one-year-old gay guy blogging for blog's sake.
2011-02-28
Fly Away.
Last year Kevin spontaneously planned to go to New Zealand this winter, instead of flying to a Mountain state for skiing. This means that I am completely alone for the next two weeks.
Yay!
When Kevin told me that he was flying to the southern hemisphere last year, I thought he would be going during Spring Break. That would have been pretty damn good because I was also planning on surprising him with various tasks that needed to be done in the back yard. Specifically, I was planning on re-seeding the yard because of the invasive nimble weed that has displaced the regular grass. However, the nimble weed has covered approximately 80% of the back yard. My original plan was to completely rototill the soil, and then re-seed everything everywhere. Of course, that project would have been huge and expensive. It is a good thing that one of Kevin's neighbors happened to come by during the winter and tell me that would have been a monumental waste of time. Grass, if left to its own devices, will repopulate bare areas. Help doesn't hurt the grass; that was why he also suggested that I aerate the entire back lawn, throw down some fertilizer in the really bad spots, and then throw down some good grass seed. That way, I wouldn't have to break my back, and my budget, completely reworking the back yard.
When I showed him the back yard, in the middle of the winter, he showed me how the grass was infiltrating the bald spots where the nimble weed was eradicated. That made me happy.
However, I didn't stop there. Since Kevin has such a green thumb, I've been catching it through the years. During his trip to the mountains, I was also thinking of caring for the gardens in the back yard, too. I was thinking of completely roto-tilling the soil, fertilizing the gardens, and then throwing down a very mild, broad-spectrum fungicide-herbicide mix. For the past three years, we've been having trouble with mold spores on our tomato plants, and other pests, and I have been getting so sick and tired of constantly removing invasive bugs and plants. I am really hoping that the one-two punch of roto-tilling, fertilizer, and herbicide will significantly reduce the amount of bullshit we have to deal with this year.
But alas...Kevin's plans were not what I was expecting. Instead of him leaving for two weeks starting at the end of March, he instead is leaving for two weeks starting today. I'm still planning on executing my "Big Back-yard Plans," but I'll have to do them on my days off from school. I'm pretty sure I can execute 100% of everything I'm planning.
Since this is a big project, I also couldn't "surprise" him with a completely new back yard. So I told him what I was planning, and he is totally OK with it...for the most part. I know he gets paranoid whenever he repeatedly tells me things he does and does not want done in the name of lawn maintenance. I told him to relax because I'm not planning on...I don't know...renting a back-hoe and uprooting everything in the back yard. I'm just doing the same amount of maintenance he would do if he was here. Besides, when he has done his regular yard work in the past, he has usually done most of it. I wanted to surprise him with a yard he could actually enjoy...without the back-breaking labor. Besides, since the back-yard is totally "his," I wanted to make part of it "mine" by doing my own things and experimenting with regional plants.
Since yesterday I've already started a list of tasks that need to be done during the next two weeks. Perhaps I should also make a short shopping list of gardening things I need, too.
I think I'll have fun.
⊗
Yay!
When Kevin told me that he was flying to the southern hemisphere last year, I thought he would be going during Spring Break. That would have been pretty damn good because I was also planning on surprising him with various tasks that needed to be done in the back yard. Specifically, I was planning on re-seeding the yard because of the invasive nimble weed that has displaced the regular grass. However, the nimble weed has covered approximately 80% of the back yard. My original plan was to completely rototill the soil, and then re-seed everything everywhere. Of course, that project would have been huge and expensive. It is a good thing that one of Kevin's neighbors happened to come by during the winter and tell me that would have been a monumental waste of time. Grass, if left to its own devices, will repopulate bare areas. Help doesn't hurt the grass; that was why he also suggested that I aerate the entire back lawn, throw down some fertilizer in the really bad spots, and then throw down some good grass seed. That way, I wouldn't have to break my back, and my budget, completely reworking the back yard.
When I showed him the back yard, in the middle of the winter, he showed me how the grass was infiltrating the bald spots where the nimble weed was eradicated. That made me happy.
However, I didn't stop there. Since Kevin has such a green thumb, I've been catching it through the years. During his trip to the mountains, I was also thinking of caring for the gardens in the back yard, too. I was thinking of completely roto-tilling the soil, fertilizing the gardens, and then throwing down a very mild, broad-spectrum fungicide-herbicide mix. For the past three years, we've been having trouble with mold spores on our tomato plants, and other pests, and I have been getting so sick and tired of constantly removing invasive bugs and plants. I am really hoping that the one-two punch of roto-tilling, fertilizer, and herbicide will significantly reduce the amount of bullshit we have to deal with this year.
But alas...Kevin's plans were not what I was expecting. Instead of him leaving for two weeks starting at the end of March, he instead is leaving for two weeks starting today. I'm still planning on executing my "Big Back-yard Plans," but I'll have to do them on my days off from school. I'm pretty sure I can execute 100% of everything I'm planning.
Since this is a big project, I also couldn't "surprise" him with a completely new back yard. So I told him what I was planning, and he is totally OK with it...for the most part. I know he gets paranoid whenever he repeatedly tells me things he does and does not want done in the name of lawn maintenance. I told him to relax because I'm not planning on...I don't know...renting a back-hoe and uprooting everything in the back yard. I'm just doing the same amount of maintenance he would do if he was here. Besides, when he has done his regular yard work in the past, he has usually done most of it. I wanted to surprise him with a yard he could actually enjoy...without the back-breaking labor. Besides, since the back-yard is totally "his," I wanted to make part of it "mine" by doing my own things and experimenting with regional plants.
Since yesterday I've already started a list of tasks that need to be done during the next two weeks. Perhaps I should also make a short shopping list of gardening things I need, too.
I think I'll have fun.
⊗
2011-02-26
Fly away.
Last year Kevin spontaneously planned to go to New Zealand this winter, instead of flying to a Mountain state for skiing. This means that I am completely alone for the next two weeks.
Yay!
When Kevin told me that he was flying to the southern hemisphere last year, I thought he would be going during Spring Break. That would have been pretty damn good because I was also planning on surprising him with various tasks that needed to be done in the back yard. Specifically, I was planning on re-seeding the yard because of the invasive nimble weed that has displaced the regular grass. However, the nimble weed has covered approximately 80% of the back yard. My original plan was to completely rototill the soil, and then re-seed everything everywhere. Of course, that project would have been huge and expensive. It is a good thing that one of Kevin's neighbors happened to come by during the winter and tell me that would have been a monumental waste of time. Grass, if left to its own devices, will repopulate bare areas. Help doesn't hurt the grass; that was why he also suggested that I aerate the entire back lawn, throw down some fertilizer in the really bad spots, and then throw down some good grass seed. That way, I wouldn't have to break my back, and my budget, completely reworking the back yard.
When I showed him the back yard, in the middle of the winter, he showed me how the grass was infiltrating the bald spots where the nimble weed was eradicated. That made me happy.
However, I didn't stop there. Since Kevin has such a green thumb, I've been catching it through the years. During his trip to the mountains, I was also thinking of caring for the gardens in the back yard, too. I was thinking of completely roto-tilling the soil, fertilizing the gardens, and then throwing down a very mild, broad-spectrum fungicide-herbicide mix. For the past three years, we've been having trouble with mold spores on our tomato plants, and other pests, and I have been getting so sick and tired of constantly removing invasive bugs and plants. I am really hoping that the one-two punch of roto-tilling, fertilizer, and herbicide will significantly reduce the amount of bullshit we have to deal with this year.
But alas...Kevin's plans were not what I was expecting. Instead of him leaving for two weeks starting at the end of March, he instead is leaving for two weeks starting today. I'm still planning on executing my "Big Back-yard Plans," but I'll have to do them on my days off from school. I'm pretty sure I can execute 100% of everything I'm planning.
Since this is a big project, I also couldn't "surprise" him with a completely new back yard. So I told him what I was planning, and he is totally OK with it...for the most part. I know he gets paranoid whenever he repeatedly tells me things he does and does not want done in the name of lawn maintenance. I told him to relax because I'm not planning on...I don't know...renting a back-hoe and uprooting everything in the back yard. I'm just doing the same amount of maintenance he would do if he was here. Besides, when he has done his regular yard work in the past, he has usually done most of it. I wanted to surprise him with a yard he could actually enjoy...without the back-breaking labor. Besides, since the back-yard is totally "his," I wanted to make part of it "mine" by doing my own things and experimenting with regional plants.
Since yesterday I've already started a list of tasks that need to be done during the next two weeks. Perhaps I should also make a short shopping list of gardening things I need, too.
I think I'll have fun.
⊗
Yay!
When Kevin told me that he was flying to the southern hemisphere last year, I thought he would be going during Spring Break. That would have been pretty damn good because I was also planning on surprising him with various tasks that needed to be done in the back yard. Specifically, I was planning on re-seeding the yard because of the invasive nimble weed that has displaced the regular grass. However, the nimble weed has covered approximately 80% of the back yard. My original plan was to completely rototill the soil, and then re-seed everything everywhere. Of course, that project would have been huge and expensive. It is a good thing that one of Kevin's neighbors happened to come by during the winter and tell me that would have been a monumental waste of time. Grass, if left to its own devices, will repopulate bare areas. Help doesn't hurt the grass; that was why he also suggested that I aerate the entire back lawn, throw down some fertilizer in the really bad spots, and then throw down some good grass seed. That way, I wouldn't have to break my back, and my budget, completely reworking the back yard.
When I showed him the back yard, in the middle of the winter, he showed me how the grass was infiltrating the bald spots where the nimble weed was eradicated. That made me happy.
However, I didn't stop there. Since Kevin has such a green thumb, I've been catching it through the years. During his trip to the mountains, I was also thinking of caring for the gardens in the back yard, too. I was thinking of completely roto-tilling the soil, fertilizing the gardens, and then throwing down a very mild, broad-spectrum fungicide-herbicide mix. For the past three years, we've been having trouble with mold spores on our tomato plants, and other pests, and I have been getting so sick and tired of constantly removing invasive bugs and plants. I am really hoping that the one-two punch of roto-tilling, fertilizer, and herbicide will significantly reduce the amount of bullshit we have to deal with this year.
But alas...Kevin's plans were not what I was expecting. Instead of him leaving for two weeks starting at the end of March, he instead is leaving for two weeks starting today. I'm still planning on executing my "Big Back-yard Plans," but I'll have to do them on my days off from school. I'm pretty sure I can execute 100% of everything I'm planning.
Since this is a big project, I also couldn't "surprise" him with a completely new back yard. So I told him what I was planning, and he is totally OK with it...for the most part. I know he gets paranoid whenever he repeatedly tells me things he does and does not want done in the name of lawn maintenance. I told him to relax because I'm not planning on...I don't know...renting a back-hoe and uprooting everything in the back yard. I'm just doing the same amount of maintenance he would do if he was here. Besides, when he has done his regular yard work in the past, he has usually done most of it. I wanted to surprise him with a yard he could actually enjoy...without the back-breaking labor. Besides, since the back-yard is totally "his," I wanted to make part of it "mine" by doing my own things and experimenting with regional plants.
Since yesterday I've already started a list of tasks that need to be done during the next two weeks. Perhaps I should also make a short shopping list of gardening things I need, too.
I think I'll have fun.
⊗
2011-02-06
Fuck Football.
I hate how fucking football has become a fucking religion in this country. I hate how fucking obsessive the football commentators are. I fucking hate how crazy the fans are. I hate how fucking spoiled the football players are. I fucking hate everything attached to football. It is a stupid fucking "sport" that no one else in the world plays that is overflowing with fat, stupid, ignorant people who have no real athletic ability.
You know...if America put as much energy into education as they did into football, we would really be living in a sci-fi Utopian future. There would hardly be any poverty or disease. There would be 99.999% clean energy and no pollution. There would be no overpopulation and everyone would live a middle-class lifestyle. There would also be plenty of left-over natural places for relaxation. We would have vacuum-tube, world-wide, cheap transportation just like on Futurama. Hell, we would probably be on our way to colonizing near-by Earth-like planets in massive colony ships. But no....we have to break for football...and that other stupid, homophobic, violent, ignorant religion called Christianity.
Fuck football.
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You know...if America put as much energy into education as they did into football, we would really be living in a sci-fi Utopian future. There would hardly be any poverty or disease. There would be 99.999% clean energy and no pollution. There would be no overpopulation and everyone would live a middle-class lifestyle. There would also be plenty of left-over natural places for relaxation. We would have vacuum-tube, world-wide, cheap transportation just like on Futurama. Hell, we would probably be on our way to colonizing near-by Earth-like planets in massive colony ships. But no....we have to break for football...and that other stupid, homophobic, violent, ignorant religion called Christianity.
Fuck football.
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