Just another horrible day.

I don't understand what The Universe is thinking when it shows the horribleness of humanity to me. I get so sad and furious at the stupidity and cruelty of people I can barely comprehend a compassionate God.

I wake up today early because I had an appointment with my academic adviser regarding my future plans for transferring to the University of Illinois. Naturally -- since I had an important engagement -- the weather is fucked-up, so I have to walk to the bus stop. This isn't so bad BUT there was freezing rain which made walking nearly impossible. I go to the post office first to send off a PlayStation 1 memory card that was bought through my store. After that I walk to the bus stop nearby. Since the weather made driving a little bit difficult, most drivers were panicking and driving incredibly defensively, which in turn made the buses incredibly late. I looked at my watch and realize both of my options for getting to school meant I was going to be late for an important meeting. I had two options for getting to Parkland College: Take the Gray bus and be really late, or; take the Green and connect to the Brown and be less late. I chose the green option because I thought I could save some time, but that was not the situation. I didn't work. I arrived at the bus terminal at 10:00am. I had to use the desk phone to call the adviser to tell her I couldn't make the appointment on time. (I felt like such a jerk for asking to use the desk phone.) She understood, and that was OK. I actually felt a bit relieved. We rescheduled the appointment for next Wednesday -- in the afternoon. Hell, at least I'll already be at the college so I shouldn't be late.

Of course, I wouldn't be so damn depressed if I didn't see what I saw next: I saw a mother abusing her child in the bus terminal. It wasn't the usual punishments that mothers usually dispense upon their children; This woman was thrashing her child right there! This little boy was screaming, "No, no, no," and no one did anything to stop her. It was so fucked-up. Yesterday I went to Target to buy a Ps2slim so I could test my Ps1 memory cards. After I did that I walked to the mall (about 1/5 of a mile) so I could catch the south-bound bus back to Urbana. In the mall, at the bus stop, I saw the same exact thing. This mother must have hit or grabbed her daughter really hard because the daughter started bawling right there. The mother was like, "Put your coat on!" Again, no one did anything to help the child. I sat in another part of the mall wing just so I could be away from that bitch and that situation. It was sickening to watch then.

It was sickening to watch again today. It is sickening to realize that right now -- this very instant -- little defenseless kids are being abused by their parents. I've asked this question before, but it deserves restating: Why do people have children if they simply cannot handle the pressure of parenthood? Is it really that hard to not get pregnant? Is it really too much to ask to put a condom on before you fuck? It must be, but that doesn't matter. It only matters that there are legions of children who will grow up to be abusers themselves. They will grow up in unimaginable home situations that will yield violent adults. The cycle of poverty and abuse continues.

So: If The Universe does show me these things, what am I supposed to do? Am I responsible for those children by those other adults? Am I supposed to stop the physical and emotional abuse whenever I see it? Is that my responsibility to do so when I see it -- to simply walk over to them in public and say, "Hey, stop beating your kid! You only have one chance to raise them right, so don't do it."? What about their responsibility -- the responsibility of adults -- to simply know their situations in their lives that would tell them they cannot have children?

I am not responsible for their kids. They are. I hate the fact I feel like I need to rescue these kids, but don't. I hate the fact people are stupid and cruel and fucking irresponsible. I truly grieve for those poor kids.

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