Out Options

I had an interesting conversation with Christopher R. yesterday. Apparently, he is considering entering J.A.G. Anyway, the whole discussion starts like this:

It is nearly 9pm, yesterday, and I was cleaning up the kitchen, since Kevin and I just had dinner. The phone rings, and immediately I think that it is some charity call asking Kevin for money for their cause(s). This household gets charity calls all the time, and it is incredibly irritating. It is even more irritating that there is no caller-id that I can use to see who is calling. We get so many charity calls that I asked Kevin for the manual to his phone: I wanted to read on how to reduce the number of rings that go off before the answering machine picks up the phone. Anyway, the phone rings, I think it is a charity call, but it is not: It is CR. In not so many words, he says that he is considering going into JAG, and he wanted to know my experiences while I was enlisted in the Marine Corps.

We agree on a meeting time and place, and I hang up the phone. It was about fifteen minutes before he picked me up, and during this time my mind was calculating all the permutations as to his possible experiences he would encounter if he did enter JAG. I sat back and analyzed myself and my experiences and expectations I had during my four years in the MC, and there are certain aspects I simply couldn't comprehend before I took the plunge and enlisted. "What did I expect" versus "What actually happened" or "What did I experience" are two completely different things. Expectations and experiences are two completely different universes that are usually completely different from each other.

Later on, he picks me up and I get in his car. He tells me, first off, the main reasons for this consideration is the fact that he finished school and is unemployed, and that he is hugely in debt. I tell him, outright, that he shouldn't go into JAG.

*sigh*

Ok. There are many, many reasons why someone would enter the armed forces. Half are good. Half are bad. "I'm in debt and looking for a way to get out of debt" is not one of those reasons. "I'm looking for a 'job'" is another bad reason to join. Unfortunately, those were the first two reasons he gave me. Now, if he said something along the lines of, "I'm a patriot", or "I want to serve my country", or "I want to be a part of something that is bigger than myself", then I would say the he has the right mind-set. It is his frame of mind that would ultimately mean he would hate his term. Of course, those reasons aren't even my biggest concerns regarding the tribulations he would encounter if he did take the dive.

I told Chris that he shouldn't enter JAG because he would have to go back in the closet. Sectioning off your sexuality for "x" number of years while he fulfills his contract can be incredibly strenuous. I told him the thought of going back in the proverbial closet doesn't sound too bad. Unfortunately the actual reality of doing that is worse than can be conceived. I should know, I have first-hand experience re-entering the closet after I left it three years before. I told Chris that he simply cannot be an "out" gay guy in the armed forces. Also, there are certain gay venues that he would have to forgo so that his associates wouldn't "find out" he is gay. He would have to forgo gay bars, obviously. He would have to forgo obvious gay relationships. He would have to forgo speaking up (and speaking out) for gay causes. Being a gay man in the armed forces would be a lonely experience for him. There is no other way to say that.

Him and I discussed this crazy idea for about ninety minutes at Esquire, in downtown Champaign. He drove me home. Then I got angry. I've been thinking of my enlistment lately, and my experiences I had during that time. There were some ridiculously fun times I had. There were also some ridiculously infuriating times I had. Now, some of those infuriating experiences could have been avoided all together if the Armed Forces got over its childish fear and hatred of the "big, bad, scary" homosexual.

I went through thirteen weeks of Boot Camp. There, my ass got kicked on a daily basis by Drill Instructors. I was sleep deprived, hungry, and scared of the challenges at hand. I had to learn how to fire the M16A2 Service Rifle. I had to repel down a wall forty feet above the ground using only my arm strength and one rope pinned against my back. I had to get fumigated with CS gas in the gas chamber. I was taught to kill people. Afterwards, I went through an additional three weeks of MCT where I learned how to throw live grenades. Then I went to Twenty-nine Palms, California, and spent another two months training for my MOS in the Marine Corps. I spent two years in Okinawa, Japan. I spent six weeks in Korea. I was ordered to Afghanistan for five months. During that time I came under goddamn rocket attack several times. During my four years, I cross-trained into other MOS fields, and I helped people learn my MOS. I also earned "Expert Shooter" status with my M16A2 Service Rifle. Twice. In addition, I also learned how to fire numerous other weapons as well. I did my four years. I received my Honorable discharge. Unfortunately, these things are still not enough for me to come out of the goddamn closet and say "I'm gay" to my superiors. That, right there, is mountain of pure BULLSHIT!

It was bullshit for me to put my ass on the line -- several times -- for the Marine Corps and for my country, and yet I couldn't come out of the closet! It is bullshit for Chris to channel his energy, youth, and knowledge into a system that would kick him out for something he has no control over. It is pure bullshit to ask any one who is gay, to do all these dangerous things, sacrifice certain freedoms, and put their lives in actual danger, but they can't be honest and say "I'm gay." It simply is not fair.

Since homophobia is still so prevalent in the Armed Forces, I can only assume that we are not wanted at all. The "Don't Ask..." policy still enables good, honest people to be kicked out due to...genetics. Since we are not wanted, gays shouldn't enlist (or get commissioned) in the first place. If we are so maligned, we should all give the Armed Forces the middle-finger and tell them to kiss our asses as they try to fill the ranks we would fill. Only when the ban on gay men and women is lifted is when I will change my mind.

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