The Test Taken

So I took that Business Calculus test about two hours ago. I think I did fairly satisfactory on it. Of course, like I said yesterday, there is the chance I either did simply OK, or bombed abysmally. There was one problem I knew I got (probably) completely wrong, but I tried to answer it as completely as possible. It was a calculus problem that dealt with efficiency, which means I had to implement the double-prime rule for a function. I managed to get the f'', but I think my implementation of the primes and double-primes was wrong.

I'll find out tomorrow. I don't want to talk about it because I think I'll jinx myself. That seems way too superstitious, but I still feel that way. I hope I did well.

On a side-note: My nervousness got the best of me while I was getting ready for school. I got out of bed at 8:10, and I was on the road by 9:15am to be at school. For some reason, I misinterpreted my watch. As I arrived at school, I thought it was an hour later than it actually was. I first went to my accounting class an hour before it started. The instructor from a different accounting section was like, "What are you doing here?" I was like, "I'm waiting for my class to start." (From my misinterpretation, I thought class was going to start in ten minutes. I also thought this instructor was a substitute.) She told me it was only 10:00am instead of 11:00am. Oops.

I spent the extra hour in the library going over my calculus notes. I hope that extra studying was worth it.

⊗

Lynchpin week

There is a point that falls between success and failure. There is a point that falls between exemplary and banality. There is a point that falls in between happiness and numbness. I've passed through many of those points in my past. I would imagine that I have more in the future that I will (have to?) pass through before I die. There are lynchpin points everywhere -- I don't know when they are approaching, but I certainly know when they have passed me. The trick in trying to zero-in on those metaphysical loci is attempting to figure out when they are approaching.

Naturally, this is a college update. I feel one of those lynchpin points coming. I would like to pass through it with a modicum of success, but I honestly don't know. This week I have two important tests and I am seriously freaking out about whether I will be successful or not. Tomorrow I have a major test in my Business Calculus class, and there is the possibility I could do relatively fine on it, or I could completely and utterly bomb the test and get a horrible score. If I did get a bad score, I honestly don't see the logic in staying in the class considering the class grade is determined by only four tests, plus the final. Oh yeah, I bombed the first test! Amazing! This class is so critical that if anything else goes wrong (besides the first test) I can just kiss my college schedule good-bye. Which would mean I could just forget about exiting Parkland College by 2011...which would mean I couldn't enroll into the U of I next year. So on and so forth.

Kevin let me know that he won't take care of me forever. I wouldn't allow him to do so. I'm just so sick and tired of being taken care of. I want to feel like an adult. I want to be an adult, but I've often thought that if I haven't learned how to be a grown-ass man by now, I never will.

Again, I wouldn't be worrying to the n^th degree if I actually had a sense of maturity to study more, like I should have. [Shouldacouldawoulda] I sometimes think there is an alternate universe in which I'm relatively happy and successful, instead of a 31-year-old boy who has to be taken care of just for his survival.

I wonder what it is like to be, and feel, self-sufficient.

⊗

The Praying Mantis Adventure 2010

This morning I was drinking my coffee when I peered outside and saw a huge praying mantis on Trent's house. Naturally, I had to get pictures. Even from looking at the bug from across the driveway, I could see it was damn huge!

As I approached the insect, I got a bit...scared. I mean, I've seen praying mantises before, but none were as big as this one. I would estimate she was the length of my hand! Plus...she had wings. Insect wings freak me out to the n^th degree. But I persevered.

I approached the praying mantis and got a few good pictures. I then tried to coax her into my hand, but I guess I annoyed her because she flew away. She flew away over my head! That scared the shit out of me. I mean, I closed my eyes and protected my head with my hands. I'll bet I looked really silly (over)reacting like I did over a harmless, albeit huge, insect.

The few pictures I managed to take came out sufficiently well.

From prayingmantis2010

From prayingmantis2010

From prayingmantis2010

From prayingmantis2010

From prayingmantis2010

From prayingmantis2010

I'm still wishing I could have coaxed her into my hand because I think those pictures would have been awesome. Oh well.

⊗

My digital camera is sick.

My Samgsung SL720 has not been the same since I had it sent to a repair depot. Previously, the LCD screen went on the fritz when two rows of pixels washed out and would only display white. Since I only owned the camera for seven months at that time, it was within the default limited warranty; so I called Samgsung and they told me to send it in to one of their repair locations. (I think it might have been in California.)

About a week later the camera comes back and the screen was replaced, so I thought that everything was fine. I was wrong: The camera is not fine. Ever since I received the camera after its "repair," it has had another weird problem: There is something wrong with the battery compartment. Something was amiss when, a week after I got my camera back, I went to recharge the battery and the charging indicator light does not light up. I thought I simply didn't plug the general purpose USB cable into the camera, so I double-checked. The same problem occurred again. I knew the battery still had some juice in it, so I tried to turn on the camera, and it didn't turn on.

Confused, I opened the battery compartment, removed the battery and closely inspected it. It looked fine to me. So I re-inserted the battery into the battery compartment and the camera started right up. It would also start charging. (Samsung is too cheap to include a separate charger for its proprietary battery, which means the battery has to be in the camera and the camera has to be plugged into a USB port, or into its proprietary outlet plug. I scream shenanigans on that design layout.)

The only conclusion I can glean from this weird malfunction is that there is some kind of obstruction between the battery and the copper contacts that come in contact with the battery. Or maybe the copper contacts that pull power from the battery aren't fully connected to the camera itself. Last night I took my mini-flashlight and shined it into the battery compartment, but I don't see any kind of dirt or grime that might interfere with the transfer of power from the battery, to the contacts, to the camera.

Color me confused.

I'm wondering, if Samsung, in its effort to save money on repairs, accidentally caused more damage in my camera. I'm wondering if I should call Samsung again and have them (try to) repair my camera again since there is an obvious electrical malfunction somewhere inside my camera.

Since I discovered this malfunction, I've dealt with it...until yesterday. Since I owned the camera I make it a common practice to remove the battery whenever it is done charging, and whenever I'm not going to use it for longer than a day. Yesterday I took some pictures of the wandering cat, and then I removed the battery. I realized the battery was pretty damn hot. That weird affect has never happened before. Is there an electrical problem in my camera?

Even though Samsung makes good cameras, I'm not going to deal with them if they constantly have hardware issues. I had a similar LCD problem with my Samsung Digimax A7, but I was lucky in the fact I bought an extended warranty through Sears, where I bought my camera.

I was really hoping I could get more use and life out of this camera, as I did with the Digimax A7, but if this camera cannot even handle a year of gentle use, then I'll wash my hands of it and move on. I mean, if the goddamn battery explodes because of some crossed wires, I'll just suck it up and buy myself a modest DSLR with a nice general purpose lense.

Cheap electronics are cheap, I guess.

⊗

Adventures of a Meow-meow

One day last year, I was minding my own business when suddenly a cat appeared. (Now that I think about it, I might have already blogged about it.) The cat had a collar with a phone number on it, and I called that number. Come to find out, the cat lives on California Street, which is two streets parallel above Oregon Street. Considering how idiotic a huge percentage of drivers are, I'm surprised that cat hasn't turned into road pizza by now.

From time to time, the cat would traverse the dangerous path to Kevin's house. I would say that over the past year the cat has appeared four or five times to both Kevin and me. One time the cat scared the hell out of me one night. It was around 12:30am and I was playing video games, when suddenly I heard this rustling outside -- like literally outside the window of the living room. When I realized it was that cat, I shooed her away.

Cut to today that cat appeared again! Either the cat is really dumb, oblivious, or adventurous, because she just came up to me nonchalantly like an old friend visiting. Also, she is really vociferous; every pet, every action I made, every move I made, she was there right under my feet meowing incessantly. It was cute, I had to admit. I tried to give her some water, but she refused.

So anyway, a little while later, she got board with me, or maybe she got distracted by something, because she left. Before she did, I got some pictures...naturally.







⊗

this before that

I honestly don't understand my brain. There are times it will be lit on fire; ideas will come to me and creativity will flow. Other times, it will be muddled with fog. It seems like I simply can't "ignite" my brain to do what I want it to do. I've talked about this before as "fog." I experienced this today, and I found it frustrating.

I tried to do my pre-calculus homework, but I just couldn't comprehend the algebra. These damn word problems aren't even that difficult, and I have a feeling I could have done more of them if I could just get my brain started. I got angry.

So I put away that math homework and took notes from my Accounting book. It is a good thing the first part of my accounting course is mostly concepts, because I am better with those. Later in the semester it changes over to mathematical concepts of accounting. I hope I can handle it because I'm worried since I can't handle the "easy" shit from pre-calc.

⊗

Bits & Pieces XX

• College started August 23^rd, which means I've been going to school already for a week now. At the beginning of the semester, I was sufficiently nervous. However, after the first week, my anxiety is allayed. I'm not...expecting something easy, I'm just expecting to not be freaking out like I was at the beginning of the summer semester. And speaking of the previous summer semester...
• I'm still weird-ed-out about the fact I passed a sufficiently challenging math course. I mean, even my academic adviser, Marilyn Ryan, was trying to prepare me for the possibility I might botch that attempt at passing that class. She wasn't suggesting I would fail because I'm stupid, but she was trying to warn me about the fact that class only has a pass rate (of higher than a "C") of 25%. I somehow got an 80 average, which means I got a "B." So that means I'm in that 25%. I think it is even stranger to know that I had the same instructor who also taught the Statistics class I botched. Maybe I was meant to redeem myself with that summer class, and with him. Who knows. The Universe works in mysterious ways.
• But anyway, before the fall semester began I wanted to do something special for Kevin, and our friends, so I thought I would throw a cook-out. For the most part, it was relatively successful...except the fact I excessively charred the turkey burgers. Urgh. The actual turkey meat was just acting weird. I don't know if it was because the meat was excessively lean or fatty, but I couldn't form patties at all. The meat was just so sticky. I somehow managed to form them into patty shapes, but they "melted" into each other since they were stacked on top of each other before I grilled them. It was especially challenging trying to put them on the grill since they lost their shape. I had to pick up the turkey burgers and reform them on the grill. That was a tricky endeavor. Alas, they tasted OK, they just didn't look too tasty. I asked Kevin if I could throw another cook-out in September, and he said I could. I think I'll use regular 85%-lean ground beef the next time. At least beef won't give me grief like turkey meat will.
• Also, after the summer college semester ended, I thought I would treat myself to a new (used) video game since I passed with a decent grade. So I trolled eBay for one of the best games in existence, Yoshi's Island for the Super Nintendo. I don't know why, but that game goes for a higher price than what I was expecting. It isn't like it is a rare game; Decent used copies were selling for over $30. I found a nice copy for $28 with free shipping, so I think I broke even with that price. Oh, wow, I forgot how difficult this game is -- for a "kids" game. The challenge level of this game seems to increase exponentially, but it does so without feeling "cheap." Plus the graphics are simply stunning. It is like playing a game in a coloring book. Just like Super Mario Bros. 3 before it for the 8-bit era, Yoshi's Island is a pinnacle (or one of them, anyway) of the 16-bit gaming era. I guess I can understand why the game goes for what it does on the internet.
• 

⊗

School Today

My new semester at Parkland College starts tomorrowlater today. I forgot I signed up for that much math this semester. Accounting? Business Calculus? *sob*

⊗

Illinois State Fair 2010

This year, my husbear and I went to the Illinois State Fair. Due to the economic depressionrecession, this year's fair was remarkably understated. Half of the midway was missing. But whatever. I knew I wouldn't be riding rides. That is coming this October. I actually went for the farm animals. :)

They were cute this year.

Li-i-i-i-i-i-sa-a-a-a-a! Don't e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eat me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e






Better than shaved pussy?


Piglets!




Ducklets!




Chicklets!


Nice Ass. *crickets chirping* OK, I tried.




'Sup bro.


Clean Cows are Clean.






NEIGH!


⊗

It was a good day.

Last night I had a dream about an old family dog that died when I was nine years old. I had a dream about Brandy. In a nutshell, the dream was so saccharin that I still don't believe it emanated from my subconscious; I usually have really weird psychedelic dreams, or dreams in which I'm being chased.

For the most part, this dream was probably five to 10 minutes long, but I can only remember the last minute or two of it. From what I can remember, I was me at my current age, but then I remembered that Brandy was still with me. For some reason, in this dream it never occurred to me the dog had a seizure and was euthanized years ago. Anyway, the dream started early in the day, and the now-alive dog went outside to go play. I went with her because I was happy I was with her again.

We played and frolicked around Bucksport, Maine. The strange thing about the town is that it also encompassed many locations at once. As Brandy and I went out to play with each other, we were suddenly at Whalom Lake during the winter. We both found an icy hill in Bucksport, and Brandy slid down the hill first to end up on the frozen lake in Fitchburg, Massachusetts. I slid down the icy hill, too, and now that I think about it, I would have been seriously injured in real life if I slid down this hill considering it was all jagged ice and rocks. Miraculously, I was unscathed as I splayed out onto the ice. Brandy was frolicking around me, but then I realized the ice wasn't thick enough to support a human, so I began to migrate back to the edge of the shore.

Brandy was next to me, and she found a hole in the ice. She extracted a dead fish and began to eat it. Now, Whalom Lake was renown for its pollution, and it was common to find dead fish at the bottom of the lake. I made her drop the dead fish and we made it to the top of the icy hill.

At the top of the hill, I think we were both now in Urbana, Illinois. Since the sun was setting I wanted to get back inside and show my mom or Kevin that Brandy was really OK. Near the end of the dream Brandy was really rambunctious; she was running around and acting really spry, not like how she acted near the end of her life. The strangest part of this dream was when I crossed a busy street on my way home, and I turned around to see Brandy playing with a polar bear cub! (????) I called her out to her and she stopped playing with the bear cub. Even in my dream I was like, "What the hell?!?!" Whenever I have a lucid thought in my dream, I always wake up. I thought to myself, "I have to show that Brandy is really OK for her age."

And then I woke up.

As I did, I put my hand on my forehead because the dream was already slipping away. I remember the dream started out at the beginning of the day, but Brandy was an adult. As the dream progressed, the time of the year changed; the dream started out in Spring, but ended in the dead of winter. At the end of the dream I think Brandy was approaching puppy-hood; She appeared to be younger than she was at the beginning of the dream.

I really wish I could remember more of this dream. It was pretty long, in terms of dream-length, but I can only remember the last few minutes. Anyway, from what I can garner from this dream, I spent a good day with the old family dog. It is strange, I don't think I thought of her for a long time now.

⊗

The voice from inside my head not from inside my head.

A prediction that came to me a while ago just came full circle: I completed my class, successfully, with a "B" average. I'm happy and relieved. But my success in this class was never left to chance: I was somehow given fore-knowledge I would pass this class.

I'll back up a little bit. Since last Friday, I've been going over my old tests from the class. Basically, from the old tests I re-did the problems I got completely wrong, partially correct...and well...the problems I got fully right, too. I didn't want to leave anything to chance. I wanted to make sure I had a firm grasp of the concepts I knew I would be tested on this week. I would then go back to my instructor after class and pick his brain some more. Then I would do those problems once more. Yesterday evening I did more of those same problems again. Neurotic behavior aside, all of that "extra" studying I did probably enabled me to receive the grade I got on the final. For me to receive a grade of "B" for this class I needed a 72 or higher on my final. I got a 76. On top of the relatively decent grade I got on my final, I also got a 95 on the fourth test that was given on Tuesday of this week. That grade was the second-highest grade for that test. Go me. As I've said before, too, that grade of 95 gave me some breathing room on the final; I could have afforded to make some faffy mistakes but still get the overall grade I wanted.

But still before that, before the class even began I was worrying. I would tell people that I'm taking an elite math class at Parkland college, but at the same time I was still worried about passing the class. People would tell me, "Oh, you'll do fine. Just do what you have to do to pass the class." To myself I would think, "But I suck at math. I suck, suck, suck. How could I pass if I suck horribly at math?" I've basically been shitting bricks about this class. I was worrying incessantly about my own aptitude.

Then it happened in the middle of the night.

Just before the class started in the middle of June, I was lying in bed thinking (obsessing) about the class. I asked myself if I could really pass a challenging math class. And then I heard it. I heard a voice inside my head, but not coming from inside my head. The voice said, "You'll do fine." That was it. That never happened before to me and it hasn't happened since.

The weirdest, strangest, most surreal aspect about that voice is that I heard the voice inside my head, but I didn't create it, and I never heard that voice before. What was it? Who was it? Was it transmitted or did I just think differently? Whenever I think of people inside my head, I hear their words in their own voices. If I think of Kevin, I hear his words in his voice. I don't hear his words in my voice or any other voice. If I think about Kevin speaking to me, I hear Kevin in Kevin's voice. So...where did that voice come from? Did that voice have some sort of precognitive foreknowledge about my grade, or did I pass the class because I believed I would because of some weird voice that I think might be supernatural?

It is just very, very strange.

Alas, I did pass the class. I'm happy about that. I'm just wondering if that voice I heard was supernatural in nature, or if I just created it but didn't realize I did.

⊗

Breathing Room

So today I took Test 4 in my college algebra summer class. I’ve been so damn neurotic about this test and the upcoming final test. Since Saturday I’ve been studying the old tests I already took, and I think I’ve been better comprehending the problems I’ve missed. But I also feel that thinking, and hoping I’ll improve, will jinx me into under-performing for the upcoming final.

Anyway, on Sunday and Monday I’ve also been dabbling with the newer concepts in the class just to make sure I wouldn’t bomb this test like I almost did with the previous test. I went over the old homework and much to my surprise, I felt pretty confident I sufficiently understood matrices and sequences. But my brain kept nagging. Just like with test three, I thought I understood what I needed to do, only to under-perform and receive a "D." I was so miffed.

I took the test and I realized I knew almost all of the questions on the test. There were two questions that threw me off; one of them was the sum of an infinite geometric mean, and the other was converting a repeating decimal into a fraction. Other than that I answered the remaining questions to the best of my ability.

When I turned in the test to my class instructor I had to leave the room. Again I felt that being there would jinx the grade I was going to receive. Color me neurotic. I come back a minute later from the walk around m-wing, and the instructor says I got a 95% on that test.

Holy shit.

Not only did I completely come back from the mediocre grade from the previous test I took, I also earned the second highest grade on that test in the class.

I’m pretty happy about that accomplishment, but I still worry about the final. I also think the instructor made the test easier than the previous tests. Maybe because he wants his (remaining) students to pass the class? Now that I think about it on the first week of class, the whole class room was filled. Now it is half empty.

In a nut shell, I’m happy about the test I took today. Now I just need to focus on the comprehensive final.

⊗

Shut the fuck up already.

Ever since I started my summer college class, I realized just how noisy some places can be. That is; I realized how noisy some places are supposed to be that are supposed to be quiet. So I can concentrate, I would go to the Urbana Free Library. Much to my dismay, and annoyance, that library is loud.

I can concentrate with normal noises and normal noise levels; I learned to cope when I was in the Marine Corps. If I don't feel like leaving the house, I'll study while Kevin is working on a house project. It is no big deal. However, the level of distraction in a library is astounding. Hmm...there are ringing cell phones, screaming children, coffee grinders grinding, ringing cell phones, screaming children, homeless people eating loudly and having conversations with themselves, ringing cell phones, screaming children, adults with no volume control, screaming children, ringing cell phones, cell phones vibrating noisily on tables, screaming children, and ringing cell phones!

When did public libraries become the repositories of socially-inept, bored, obnoxious people? When did libraries stop being places of quiet and study, and start being places of free entertainment? This library, and I would assume others as well, have slowly become, basically, free movie rental establishments and internet cafés. With that evolution, along came with it people who normally wouldn't be seen in a library - the very people who don't know how to act in these places. Oh look, another mother allowing her little toddler to constantly scream at the top of her lungs. Oh look, another asshole having a loud conversation on his cell phone. Oh look, another teenager taking up space using a public terminal for Farmville. *groan*

If I need to study, and I need to leave the house, I won't go to a library. I'll instead go to...a coffee shop! They are quieter! Automatically, there aren't any screaming kids. That is probably because most of the parents with obnoxious children are at the library browsing the free DVDs. Automatically, most cell phones are turned to vibrate, or even off. This is probably because the people who patron these establishments know the "etiquette" of coffee shops. Automatically, the environment is quieter because most of the clientele are *gasp* college students who are studying, just like me! I never would have thought coffee shops could quieter than public libraries. I must be living in some kind of Bizarro World.

Of course it doesn't have to be this way. I remember when I was little and I was going out in public with my family, my parents and relatives used to look me square in the eye and say, "You will behave yourself - or else." And I did!

Today I was in the library, and it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But there were times I wanted to yell at the lazy parents (who were allowing their kids to yell), cell phone abusers (who forgot to disable the ring of the phone), and loud people (who have no volume control) and tell them to be quiet because they are in a fucking library.

Be quiet. I'm trying to study.

⊗

Problems with Problems Again.

July 11, 2010

Problems With Problems Again

As my college summer course has been progressing, I've been steadily increasing my confidence in my meager mathematic abilities. Yes, I was still dreading my second test almost as much as my first test, but some of the new concepts that were introduced to me began to "click," so I was pensively optimistic. During the Independence Day "extended" weekend, I studied for two of those days. I was fairly confident with almost all of the concepts, but there were two things I didn't know. One of those concepts was the equation of a parabola, which isn't terribly difficult. The other concept was functions of functions.

Much to my dismay, I completely forgot to do that chapter that dealt with the parabola functions. Much to my annoyance, I couldn't even do the chapter that dealt with functions of functions. So, I decided to study what I knew and "make my money" off of what I knew. Test day, which was July 6^th, came and went, and right away there were three problems I couldn't even do. As I planned, I went on to the problems I knew I could do. Out of the seventeen problems on the test, I answered fourteen of them fully and with minimal mistakes.

I get the test back, and lo-and-behold, I got a 72% on it! What is the chance I would get the exact score on two different tests? I was really, really sad, and disappointed in myself. I had no idea that those three blank problems would do me in that way.

After class, I went up to my instructor and asked him if I should even consider staying with the class during the summer or just wait until the new semester begins. He told me that even though I've been scoring "C's" on my tests, I'm still in the top half of the class [!] so I shouldn't worry too much. Then he showed my aggregate score compared to the rest of the students in the class, and sure enough I was ranked right up in the top half of the class.

Still, I have my worries. Right now it is a close to my bed time, but I still feel that I should be doing more studying. (Of course I could!) I do the homework problems for each respective chapter, and much to my surprise, I can (now) do a surprising amount of the easy and moderately challenging problems. Right now a new chapter is dealing a little bit with functions of functions - the very thing I abhorred not too long ago - and little by little the pieces are falling into place. I'm also worried that I'll put all this effort into this class, and I'll still perform . . . insufficiently to continue the math portion of my required education. I factored into my college schedule me completely screwing up this class, so I could take it again if I needed to. My goal is for me to get a "B".

Like I've said before, my biggest fear is that I put all this effort into this class and I totally screw the pooch at the end of the class, like I did with the previous statistics class I took a year ago. In that class I had a "B" average, but I lowered the average down to a "C" because of the final.

I would feel so burned if I did put all this effort into this class and I couldn't even go with Kevin to Ely, Minnesota.

⊗

Word Perfect X5

Not too long ago, I realized I needed (or rather, wanted) some sort of “official” word-processing application. I used to have OpenOffice, but for some reason, that program would completely crash the old Dell computer I once owned. I didn’t like Microsoft Office because that program changed the look of documents to what it thought I wanted, not what I wanted it to do. I’ll never forget the anger and frustration of trying to make a simple outline – a hierarchical list consisting of coordinating points as roman numerals, with subordinating points as capital letters. For some inexplicable reason, Office 2007 would insert a bulleted list inside the outline. I never figured out why it kept doing that.

Maybe that sale was a bit of serendipity, but WordPerfect went on sale on Amazon last week for $60, so I bought it right away.

Immediately, I was happy when the Amazon box arrived. Unlike the Microsoft Office 2007 bundle, I could actually open this box. It was regular cardboard that was sealed with a simple sticker. The MSO bundle came in some sort of anti-theft plastic box that was literally impossible to open. The only way I could extract the install DVD out of the case was by literally smashing it open! Of course I couldn’t throw away that plastic case because the security key is adhered with an anti-theft anti-removal sticker. Great.

Anyway, the great thing about this program is that it has the compatibility of MS (which I’ll need for writing documents on public computers) without the headaches of having that program constantly trying to change things I didn’t want changed. In other words: it is just significantly more user-friendly.

As a side-note, perhaps this is my chance to start that sci-fi story that has been kicking around inside my head for the past few years.

⊗

These are the things I don't like about this gaming generation -- in order!

1. DLC: Day-one DLC? O RLY? The last six months of a game cycle is Q&A testing, so it isn't like there is going to magically be "new" DLC on the day the game comes out! Could it be because those parts of the game were already completed, but then locked-out just so you could double-dip the paying public? Maybe? Yes...yes it is. Fuck you, DLC!!shiftkey∞
2. DRM: Digital Rights Management is not a way to reduce piracy -- it is a way to reduce second-hand sales of used games. DRM only punishes the legitimate buyer, not the pirate. Any developer who says DRM is used to stop piracy is outright lying, and those products they make should be boycotted.
3. Homogenized games / Risk-adverse game development: Oh, look! Another hard-core game that was watered down to make it as broadly appealing as possible. Oh, look! Another broadly-appealing party-based family game! Great... *breaks out the Super Nintendo to play a hard-core game* On a related note: FFS, how many first-person shooters or sand-box games can there really be? This is not a rhetorical question!
4. Ads in games: Oh, FFS, this is just bad news. The second ads appear in any medium, is when that medium becomes beholden to advertisers. Advertisers are just as bad as publishers when it comes to plunging an awesome game into mediocrity.
5. Shoe-horned motion control schemes for games that would be better with conventional controls: I'm looking at you, Super Mario Galaxy.
6. Cheap hardware: If a Super Nintendo can work like the day it was bought twenty years later, why can't a PlayStation 3, or XBox360? Anyone who thinks their current systems will work X years from now is sadly mistaken. System updates and cheap components virtually assure this current generation of systems won't work when the next generation hits the gaming public. There is also no guarantee "the big three" will support this generation of hardware when the next generation comes out. There is no guarantee the next generation of systems will be backwards compatible with this generation of games. Hell, there is no guarantee a current system update will allow you to play your current library. I'm looking at you, Wii and PS3.
7. Game budgets are too damn big: Games in the past only needed a compliment of 20 to 50 people to create them. Today a game can have hundreds of artists, programmers, and Q&A testers, and those games are still mediocre shit. Bigger doesn't mean better, assholes.
8. Video gamers:
   1. Oh yeah, verbally abusive, homophobic, racist, sexist, little children screaming over a head-set really make this medium seem grown-up.
   2. Gamers don't take any chances with the games they buy. Because of this, game developers only make the types of games gamers only buy! I'm looking at you, FPS genre!

Things I would do to fix these problems:

1. Completely change how DLC is implemented: OK, I believe capitalism is a good thing, but I also believe bilking people out of their money by making them constantly buy DLC is wrong. I also believe stripping a game of content before it is released just so a company can charge again for it is also very wrong. So, how do game companies ensure they will continue to reap profits on a game? Franchise it. Since a huge percentage of games are franchised anyway, why not have the first part of the franchise on a disk, but then have all sequels as exclusively DLC? Since games usually get cheaper as time goes on, late adopters of a franchised game are virtually getting the first game for free if the sequel DRM is full priced. Early adopters of a franchised game should get steep price reductions for future DRM (full sequels) of that franchise, so early adopters would almost get the same money-saving perks as late adopters. There, problem solved! Gamers get completely new DRM in the form of true sequels, while game developers get to control their content.
2. Get rid of DRM: PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO CIRCUMVENT DRM Just get rid of it. Get rid of it NOW.
3. Make better games, and take a chance!: Please, stop watering down games to make them as broadly appealing as possible. If you, the game company, are going to update a retro title, please keep it as difficult as it was, but also please update the way the game is presented. As the medium becomes more advanced, control schemes become more efficient. It is OK to update how a game takes button commands. From what I've been reading about the Nintendo 3DS version of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, the menu system is going to given an overhaul to make that game more efficient and more user-friendly. That is OK! But while you are updating a game, please keep the same "flavor" of that game, too. Don't do a bunch of crazy -- and unwarranted -- shit to a game to make is as appealing as possible to the largest possible audience. To me there is a world of difference between Super Mario Bros. 3 and The New Super Mario Bros. I don't know, there is just something missing from the latter game. Now that is out of the way, time for part two is this rant: Please take a chance with a new I.P. If you build it, they will come. If you make a smart game with interesting and new game mechanics, gamers will buy it in droves!
4. No ads: Ads suck. They are detrimental to the medium, and to each respective game they appear in.
5. Motion-control does not mean that is the only way: Going back to the SMG example, there should have been two ways to control that game: The motion controller and a conventional controller; Gamecube perhaps? Just because a game can have motion control, does not mean it is required. When I play video games, I want to veg out, not waggle like an idiot. Since all the future systems will have some sort of alternate control scheme, implement the motion control sparingly.
6. Make better hardware: If the XBox360 has a defect rate of 35% after two years (!!), and if the PS3 has a defect rate of 10% after two years, there isn't good enough hardware in those systems. Stop being cheap and use high-quality hardware for your systems. I seriously doubt the defect rates of the SNES and Sega Genesis were that high after two years. This is a department in which the big three are going to have to take a chance that people will circumvent the internal hardware in favor of longer system lives. There has to be a line between wanting to control piracy, which is a legitimate concern, and having systems with sky-high defect rates.
7. Control game development costs: OK, gamers didn't directly ask the game developers to exponentially increase the cost of producing a game. Yes...new hardware requires more expertise, and more manpower to exploit, but if you need 200+ people to make a game that will end up in the bargain bin two months after it is released, a)you aren't good enough to produce games, and b)you need to split the costs of making games and spread risk. Instead of having 200+ people on one game, have 66+ people per team and have those teams pursue their own interest within a certain time frame (2.5 years?). Allow one team to make a J-RPG while you allow an other team to make a FPS. I don't know, but allow them to be creative! It will pay off!
8. Gamers, grow up!: Hey gamers, take a fucking chance and play a game you normally wouldn't play. Please, please, pretty please. You might be pleasantly surprised to like a game that a)is not a FPS, and b)does not involve shooting people. Also: do you talk to your mother that way? Yeah, you probably do. Get a life, you bunch of losers.

Will this list happen? I wish it would. It is the only way the medium will save itself from itself.

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Problems with problems.

I've been incredibly pensive and worried about my summer math course I am taking at Parkland College. Since the beginning of this class (a week ago), I've been assigned about two chapters of math homework every day. The first quarter of this class is "review," and then new mathematical concepts are presented the last six weeks. Well, last week was one of the review weeks, so I get a metric tonne of problems I'm supposed to be able to do. Barring the really easy problems, I was getting log-jammed on the math problems that were only moderately challenging! On Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and last weekend, I was literally fighting with these problems trying to figure them out. During the weekend I had to take a brake from the homework and go upstairs to shed a single salty tear. I was heart-broken. After that subdued emotional outburst, I went back to continue to attempt to solve those problems. I did my best. I tried my best, but I did not want to give up.

Monday rolls around and my math instructor hands out the practice test. Much to my surprise, and relief, those problems weren't too difficult. I took the test on Tuesday, and I was hoping for an 80. I tend to nickel-and-dime myself due to small mistakes, but for the most part I knew what I had to do if, and when, I looked at a problem. I got back the test today and I got a 72. *groan* Just as I predicted, I nickel-and-dimed myself to that score. Basically, I was close to getting the correct answers for the test questions, but I was still partially wrong. So while my grade wasn't spectacular, I at least know what I have to do to get a correct answer. There is some good news with that score: I have an opportunity to improve it by Monday by re-doing the problems I got wrong.

Compared to how I was last week, I am at least hopeful this week. Compared to how I was last week, I am at least not completely shitting my pants in fear I might fail this class. I don't want to fail this class, but yet there are so many variables that can derail me. I don't like hoping for something only to have it not come to fruition. I hope I pass this class but flipping through the chapters there are concepts that are incomprehensible.

On a side-note: I still may have received a 72 on that test, but I still got the third highest score in the class. I guess I'm not the only one in my boat regarding my doubts about my abilities. I just need to grind away at the math and hope it comes to me.

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The Bad Touch

I often wonder if my touch is cursed to break anything and everything. No really. It seems to me that everything that comes into my possession is either already broken, or will break in an unreasonably short time frame. Again it seems this curse has struck again, not once in the immediate past, but twice.

The first thing that broke was my expensive graphing calculator I bought four years ago. I bought the calculator from the Parkland College bookstore, so naturally I got price-gouged -- I spent $140 for that calculator. I knew they were expensive, but I didn't think they would set me back that much. Hell, for another $200 I could have had a cheap PC built for me. Anyway, I was sufficiently miffed I spent that much on a calculator, but what really grabbed my goat was that one month later I saw the exact same model in the discount bin for $70. I got burned. During the time I owned the calculator I barely used it. I only took three math courses at the college so it isn't like there is that much mileage on the thing. I also use it to help me balance my check book. Well, somehow the goddamn thing broke. A week ago the calculator would blink on and off. So I changed out all the batteries, but that remedy didn't help the situation. To make a long story short: I brought the calculator to the math instructors at the college to have them try to trouble-shoot the problem. Today I learned by one of the instructors that the malfunction is probably a hardware issue; there is probably a loose wire or microchip somewhere inside the calculator. This vexes me because I took care of it: I didn't drop it or anything like that. What gives?

The other thing that broke was my shiny new 12.2MP digital camera that I only bought seven months ago! Yesterday I took some pictures, and then put it away. Literally one minute later I turn it back on, and there are two lines of dead pixels on the view-screen. Just like with the TI-83+ Graphing Calculator, I didn't drop or abuse the camera. What gives? My only saving grace regarding my camera is that there might be a one-year manufacturer's warranty against defects or malfunctions. I'll have to research this very soon.

My expen$ive graphing calculator, and an out-of-manufacture digital camera both shit the bed. The bad touch has struck. Twice. In the same week. URGH! You know, since I have a knack for acquiring broken things, I wonder what expensive piece of hardware will break next: my new PS3? my new Toshiba? my bicycle? Maybe all three? I'm not made of money. I cannot replace everything that breaks, or gets stolen, or gets lost.

Blah.

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Many Fears

Today was the first day of my summer math course -- College Algebra -- and I feel cautiously optimistic about it. For the past few months, my academic adviser kept telling me that even though this math course is required for my (new) major, it still has a rather large drop-out rate. Even during a regular semester, the course moves at a brisk pace, but since this summer course is condensed into eight weeks, I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out about the content, and the pace, of the course. That is just the tip of the iceberg of my worry: If I pass this course I still have two more after this!

I am fearing many things right now. I am fearing that I'll have to drop out of this math course after the add-drop date, which would mean I would get a "W" for a grade. I'm fearing that I'll do sufficiently well in this class, but I'll bomb the final. I'm fearing the subsequent math courses I'll have to take (assuming I pass this math course) are even more meticulous and challenging than the last courses.

Everyone keeps telling me, "Don't worry, you'll be just fine," but I really don't know for sure. I have many fears of failure. I've let myself down in the past, and I really want to change that. I really want to be successful for Kevin because I know he won't tolerate any more failure from me -- or any other lackadaisical behavior. I'm just worrying that this current endeavor will end up costing me time, money, and effort, all for naught -- a "W" grade.

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flowers in the neighborhood

My neighbor, Trent, owns property next to his house where we, he, and his pseudo-boyfriend share a plot of land for vegetables. There are also flowers that grow; I don't know if they were planned and planted, or if they migrated to that plot. I just "found them" looking spectacularly beautiful.

From omgflowers

From omgflowers

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TEST PIC

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From omgflowers

From omgflowers

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From omgflowers

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I hacked about 75% of the growth from this plant last year because approximately that amount was dead or dying. Perhaps that was what this bush needed because she is looking bright and vibrant today.

From omgflowers

Oh, and I'm drunk while making this post. Yeah....

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