- College started August 23rd, which means I've been going to school already for a week now. At the beginning of the semester, I was sufficiently nervous. However, after the first week, my anxiety is allayed. I'm not...expecting something easy, I'm just expecting to not be freaking out like I was at the beginning of the summer semester. And speaking of the previous summer semester...
- I'm still weird-ed-out about the fact I passed a sufficiently challenging math course. I mean, even my academic adviser, Marilyn Ryan, was trying to prepare me for the possibility I might botch that attempt at passing that class. She wasn't suggesting I would fail because I'm stupid, but she was trying to warn me about the fact that class only has a pass rate (of higher than a "C") of 25%. I somehow got an 80 average, which means I got a "B." So that means I'm in that 25%. I think it is even stranger to know that I had the same instructor who also taught the Statistics class I botched. Maybe I was meant to redeem myself with that summer class, and with him. Who knows. The Universe works in mysterious ways.
- But anyway, before the fall semester began I wanted to do something special for Kevin, and our friends, so I thought I would throw a cook-out. For the most part, it was relatively successful...except the fact I excessively charred the turkey burgers. Urgh. The actual turkey meat was just acting weird. I don't know if it was because the meat was excessively lean or fatty, but I couldn't form patties at all. The meat was just so sticky. I somehow managed to form them into patty shapes, but they "melted" into each other since they were stacked on top of each other before I grilled them. It was especially challenging trying to put them on the grill since they lost their shape. I had to pick up the turkey burgers and reform them on the grill. That was a tricky endeavor. Alas, they tasted OK, they just didn't look too tasty. I asked Kevin if I could throw another cook-out in September, and he said I could. I think I'll use regular 85%-lean ground beef the next time. At least beef won't give me grief like turkey meat will.
- Also, after the summer college semester ended, I thought I would treat myself to a new (used) video game since I passed with a decent grade. So I trolled eBay for one of the best games in existence, Yoshi's Island for the Super Nintendo. I don't know why, but that game goes for a higher price than what I was expecting. It isn't like it is a rare game; Decent used copies were selling for over $30. I found a nice copy for $28 with free shipping, so I think I broke even with that price. Oh, wow, I forgot how difficult this game is -- for a "kids" game. The challenge level of this game seems to increase exponentially, but it does so without feeling "cheap." Plus the graphics are simply stunning. It is like playing a game in a coloring book. Just like Super Mario Bros. 3 before it for the 8-bit era, Yoshi's Island is a pinnacle (or one of them, anyway) of the 16-bit gaming era. I guess I can understand why the game goes for what it does on the internet.
⊗
My new semester at Parkland College starts tomorrowlater today. I forgot I signed up for that much math this semester. Accounting? Business Calculus? *sob*⊗
Last night I had a dream about an old family dog that died when I was nine years old. I had a dream about Brandy. In a nutshell, the dream was so saccharin that I still don't believe it emanated from my subconscious; I usually have really weird psychedelic dreams, or dreams in which I'm being chased.
For the most part, this dream was probably five to 10 minutes long, but I can only remember the last minute or two of it. From what I can remember, I was me at my current age, but then I remembered that Brandy was still with me. For some reason, in this dream it never occurred to me the dog had a seizure and was euthanized years ago. Anyway, the dream started early in the day, and the now-alive dog went outside to go play. I went with her because I was happy I was with her again.
We played and frolicked around Bucksport, Maine. The strange thing about the town is that it also encompassed many locations at once. As Brandy and I went out to play with each other, we were suddenly at Whalom Lake during the winter. We both found an icy hill in Bucksport, and Brandy slid down the hill first to end up on the frozen lake in Fitchburg, Massachusetts. I slid down the icy hill, too, and now that I think about it, I would have been seriously injured in real life if I slid down this hill considering it was all jagged ice and rocks. Miraculously, I was unscathed as I splayed out onto the ice. Brandy was frolicking around me, but then I realized the ice wasn't thick enough to support a human, so I began to migrate back to the edge of the shore.
Brandy was next to me, and she found a hole in the ice. She extracted a dead fish and began to eat it. Now, Whalom Lake was renown for its pollution, and it was common to find dead fish at the bottom of the lake. I made her drop the dead fish and we made it to the top of the icy hill.
At the top of the hill, I think we were both now in Urbana, Illinois. Since the sun was setting I wanted to get back inside and show my mom or Kevin that Brandy was really OK. Near the end of the dream Brandy was really rambunctious; she was running around and acting really spry, not like how she acted near the end of her life. The strangest part of this dream was when I crossed a busy street on my way home, and I turned around to see Brandy playing with a polar bear cub! (????) I called her out to her and she stopped playing with the bear cub. Even in my dream I was like, "What the hell?!?!" Whenever I have a lucid thought in my dream, I always wake up. I thought to myself, "I have to show that Brandy is really OK for her age."
And then I woke up.
As I did, I put my hand on my forehead because the dream was already slipping away. I remember the dream started out at the beginning of the day, but Brandy was an adult. As the dream progressed, the time of the year changed; the dream started out in Spring, but ended in the dead of winter. At the end of the dream I think Brandy was approaching puppy-hood; She appeared to be younger than she was at the beginning of the dream.
I really wish I could remember more of this dream. It was pretty long, in terms of dream-length, but I can only remember the last few minutes. Anyway, from what I can garner from this dream, I spent a good day with the old family dog. It is strange, I don't think I thought of her for a long time now.⊗
A prediction that came to me a while ago just came full circle: I completed my class, successfully, with a "B" average. I'm happy and relieved. But my success in this class was never left to chance: I was somehow given fore-knowledge I would pass this class.
I'll back up a little bit. Since last Friday, I've been going over my old tests from the class. Basically, from the old tests I re-did the problems I got completely wrong, partially correct...and well...the problems I got fully right, too. I didn't want to leave anything to chance. I wanted to make sure I had a firm grasp of the concepts I knew I would be tested on this week. I would then go back to my instructor after class and pick his brain some more. Then I would do those problems once more. Yesterday evening I did more of those same problems again. Neurotic behavior aside, all of that "extra" studying I did probably enabled me to receive the grade I got on the final. For me to receive a grade of "B" for this class I needed a 72 or higher on my final. I got a 76. On top of the relatively decent grade I got on my final, I also got a 95 on the fourth test that was given on Tuesday of this week. That grade was the second-highest grade for that test. Go me. As I've said before, too, that grade of 95 gave me some breathing room on the final; I could have afforded to make some faffy mistakes but still get the overall grade I wanted.
But still before that, before the class even began I was worrying. I would tell people that I'm taking an elite math class at Parkland college, but at the same time I was still worried about passing the class. People would tell me, "Oh, you'll do fine. Just do what you have to do to pass the class." To myself I would think, "But I suck at math. I suck, suck, suck. How could I pass if I suck horribly at math?" I've basically been shitting bricks about this class. I was worrying incessantly about my own aptitude.
Then it happened in the middle of the night.
Just before the class started in the middle of June, I was lying in bed thinking (obsessing) about the class. I asked myself if I could really pass a challenging math class. And then I heard it. I heard a voice inside my head, but not coming from inside my head. The voice said, "You'll do fine." That was it. That never happened before to me and it hasn't happened since.
The weirdest, strangest, most surreal aspect about that voice is that I heard the voice inside my head, but I didn't create it, and I never heard that voice before. What was it? Who was it? Was it transmitted or did I just think differently? Whenever I think of people inside my head, I hear their words in their own voices. If I think of Kevin, I hear his words in his voice. I don't hear his words in my voice or any other voice. If I think about Kevin speaking to me, I hear Kevin in Kevin's voice. So...where did that voice come from? Did that voice have some sort of precognitive foreknowledge about my grade, or did I pass the class because I believed I would because of some weird voice that I think might be supernatural?
It is just very, very strange.
Alas, I did pass the class. I'm happy about that. I'm just wondering if that voice I heard was supernatural in nature, or if I just created it but didn't realize I did.⊗
So today I took Test 4 in my college algebra summer class. I’ve been so damn neurotic about this test and the upcoming final test. Since Saturday I’ve been studying the old tests I already took, and I think I’ve been better comprehending the problems I’ve missed. But I also feel that thinking, and hoping I’ll improve, will jinx me into under-performing for the upcoming final.
Anyway, on Sunday and Monday I’ve also been dabbling with the newer concepts in the class just to make sure I wouldn’t bomb this test like I almost did with the previous test. I went over the old homework and much to my surprise, I felt pretty confident I sufficiently understood matrices and sequences. But my brain kept nagging. Just like with test three, I thought I understood what I needed to do, only to under-perform and receive a "D." I was so miffed.
I took the test and I realized I knew almost all of the questions on the test. There were two questions that threw me off; one of them was the sum of an infinite geometric mean, and the other was converting a repeating decimal into a fraction. Other than that I answered the remaining questions to the best of my ability.
When I turned in the test to my class instructor I had to leave the room. Again I felt that being there would jinx the grade I was going to receive. Color me neurotic. I come back a minute later from the walk around m-wing, and the instructor says I got a 95% on that test.
Holy shit.
Not only did I completely come back from the mediocre grade from the previous test I took, I also earned the second highest grade on that test in the class.
I’m pretty happy about that accomplishment, but I still worry about the final. I also think the instructor made the test easier than the previous tests. Maybe because he wants his (remaining) students to pass the class? Now that I think about it on the first week of class, the whole class room was filled. Now it is half empty.
In a nut shell, I’m happy about the test I took today. Now I just need to focus on the comprehensive final.⊗
